The Control Freak Girlfriend

Being Controlled wrote :

Hi Dr. Love,

I have a cousin just got dumped by his gf without any reason. They have been together for 5 years.

From what he told me. This gf is super queen control. She don't let him play futsal (even thou she is still sleeping - 7-9am), cannot 'mamak' with his cousin brother or friends (all guys)once a week, cannot go to cousin house for dinner, cannot do this that and always piss him off until to the stage of fighting.

Then after the break she still sent him love email, song & care for him.

My counsin questions is why she still want to sent lovey dovey emails or songs? What is she trying to do?

He is confused. Don't know she want to break for real or someone teaching her to do so (to test his love) or ???

Doctor Love replied :

Dear Being Controlled, I am so sorry to hear about yr cousin's case. I think many of us may had experienced this before. And a lot of us will be asking why. Usually, when a person reacting like a controller has something to do with how this person brought up. Possibly during his childhood till now, he or she always feeling INSECURE!

Your poor cousins felt being controlled because he felt being ruled by her, and obviously he could not stand her right now. At the same time, the girl is feeling FEAR of losing your cousin. After she realised what she had done, then only she begins to feel insecure in herself all over again.

To overcome this, it will take a while. Your cousin may not able to change her unless she wants to CHANGE! She needs to look into herselves and recognised her weaknesses. She needs to communicate more with your cousin and overcome her fear. She controls because she FEARS! and hence became jealous! It needs effort. Also, to communicate does not means to INTERROGATE! :P

Now it really depends on your cousin if he really loves her and willing to put effort to rescue this relationships. It will be an uphill task. Ask what his heart wants, don't advise him on anything! Just get him to seek the answer in his own heart :-) Only this way, there will be real commitments.

Good luck!