Long Distance Relationship
Anonymous (Miss KL) wrote :
i met this guy (Mr FarAway - Malaysian living abroad)last year and had been contacting each other thru MSN chat. I saw him again in recently in Overseas (the other side of the globe), and we started to do dinner together during the 1st week i was there. It was a sweet memory though... we did dinner together, and we found out we have so much in common. Both of us like mexican food, dislike vietnam food, dislike ancient Chinese series, like to do silly thing..etc etc..
Dr Love summarized: In summary, both Miss KL and Mr Faraway relationship kicked off well and they expressed each other feelings while in overseas. However, after Miss KL came back, Mr Faraway did not keep in touch frequently. Miss KL Sad feels very sad now. The next time Miss KL will meet Mr Faraway is during Chinese New Year in 2006.
Doctor Love replied :
Miss KL, I understand your feeling. You wish you can be with him and you have the fire in you now that you wouldn't want it to go away. However, long distance relationship is very tough. We always have this saying, "Out Of Sight Out of Mind". So what are you going to do about it?
I can attest to you that I have 2 friends who had the same issue just like you. Their lovers are abroad, however, in the end they got married, and my friends move to the country and live with their lovers, and now their husbands :-) In the beginning, their relationship was a bit rocky, coz everyone was too busy at work and they tend to lose that fire. To keep this up, one of the party has to be persistent (not aggressive) to make calls; talk about common things that happen to them everyday, basically something to talk about. Of course when there is a break, my friends went abroad or vice versa to spend more time with their lovers.
Hence, Miss KL, Communication is a key to you now. Even if he does not call, you can make the move. Just tell him how much you miss him. Tell him you are looking forward to see him. Send him a card or small gifts to show you care. Give each other a HOPE! Hope can turn into a REALITY. I would like to suggest whenever possible, pay a visit each other and spend more time (I know this could be expensive), this may show how committed you are you want this relationship to work.
So Miss KL, don't be sad, there is HOPE if you want it to happen. Does it while the fire or spark is still in both of you ;-) If you feel the spark is gone, then confirm with him, ask him if he wants to continue to keep this relationship. For Doctor Love, there is no such thing as not possible, all it takes is PLANNING ;-) Good Luck girl.
posted by Kiasu-Ching @ 8:05 AM
28 comments
28 Comments:
Miss KL, as a Singaporean, I can relate to your experience. Singaporean guys suck hence many of the girls here (or maybe just me) prefers guys from other countries.
Malaysian guys like Dr Love is very in demand in this kiasu land.
Anyway, what I could relate to you is the long distance relationship. I can't agree totally with Dr Love because he seems to be implying that YOU need to make the effort. IMO, both will need to make an effort. It cannot be one way. Both must be committed to communicate and, most importantly, stay faithful.
Do not let the prospect of living in USA blind you. Just imagine.. if this guy is working in Papua New Guinea today, would you still be so excited about him even though he's a nice guy and have all those common interests you mentioned?
BTW, welcome back Doctor. Your site is alive again. I almost gave up visiting already.
hello mga ..thanks for visiting again! Long time no see. Anyway good comment, I hope Miss KL will think carefully and not react to emotional eh ;-)
Dr love....
i think u misunderstood my problem...
Yes, i have the fire and would like to continue, and having long distance is not my MAIN worry.
And MGA, he is a malaysian man who will come back to homeland in 2006. He has been relocated to US for 3 years, and this coming dec is end of the relocation.
Ok, back to my MAIN worry - he is not Not NOT contacting me anymore since i came back... isn't that a bad or negative sign?
I have so many question in my mind, maybe he has lost interest? maybe he just wanna fool my feeling? maybe he is just lonely there?
I can do all that Dr love has suggested... but wouldnt that show me as cheapo girl? or will i be too aggresive to scare away him? Normally guy like challenge especially when they are courting girls, rite?
Well, i have sosoososo many question in my mind that i couldn't get answer rite now...and it's killing me...
I've been asking y y y y y y y y y a million times, and yet to get my answer :(
Miss KL
Don't worry being cheapo, if he is truly special to you. Don't let pride overtake true love ok! Also please relax, the more you think of it, the more you will pressure yourself hence losing sleep. Take one step at a time. Give him a call tonight, remove your pride away for this special guy ok ;-)
Also suggest to him to take turn to make calls! Hint to him. If you don't make the move, you will feel miserable each day. Everyone wants the truth ;-)
what if he doesn't pick up the call huh ? what's next?
should i start with email/card first?
Dr Love, as a guy, if a girl come strong like this... do u think u will still value this girl?
Miss KL
It depends on how you approach this. Don't ask the question DIRECTLY, like DO U MISS ME, WHY DIDNT U CALL ME! Those are aggresive words.
You can start talking the current affairs in KL, tell him what you are doing and wish you can be around. Softer mode.
I view girls who make the move as confidence! Not cheapo :P
Miss KL, when you mentioned that "they expressed each other feelings while in overseas", do you mean that the both of you told each other you liked each other and that you were a couple already?
Anyway, as a guy, I tend to agree with Doktor. Calling a guy is not considered aggressive unless you said aggressive things like "I miss you" or you put the guy in a difficult situation with questions like "Do you miss me?". If it is just a call to chat or find out what's happening, that's not aggresive.
Having said that, if you have expressed feelings to each other.. not the vague type of feelings.. real words like "I like you a a lot" when you are overseas, then I think it is perfectly ok to ask direct question like "Do you miss me?", "Where do you see our relationship moving to?"
Ringgit:
Yep, we kinda express ourself and we told each other how we felt towards the other party and kinda like started out as couple..
But now, with all the silence & ignorance from him..i'm not sure if the couple thingy still exists...
Dr Love,
u view the girls' first move as confidence huh? what a positive answer... wow, u r really the perfect man on earth!
So, so, so, can i change my target to you then? hehehehhe....
Hmm.. have it ever occur to you that Mr Faraway is thinking exactly the same thing in USA? Why my Miss KL is not writing anymore? Could it be that she has changed her mind when she's back to KL, back to her friends and family? Perhaps she's just friendly with me while she's in States because she's lonely?
Hey, 'Perfect Man On Earth' - why don't you put up a bid...let see who can win the highest bid to have a date with you :)
Miss KL, that's what this website is for.. to allow you to ask as many questions as you want and for us readers to help give our opinions and answers ;)
Miss KL..GO FOR IT!! CALL CALL CALL! This is 20th century. Follow your feelings. MAKE THE CALL!!
Guys...
i have a bad news!
i've sent an email to him....and NO reply at all!!!
well, it's just a simple mail telling how's my life happening here but he did not even reply iwht a hi or answering how's his life over there.
Dr Love... what should i do next? i'm like totally giving up, and can u hear my heart broken sound???
Miss KL .. I am very proud of you. At least you took a step forward by emailing him. You had done what you need to do for now. Let go of him for a while, not giving up, but stop thinking of him for a while. Go back and meet your friends. Do your usual. If he is yours he will FLY Back to you ;-)
Let's be a bit positive. Perhaps he's the type that don't read emails everyday? Perhaps he only check his web email once a week? Have you text message him (SMS)? Why not just give him a call?
But IMO, Miss KL, you should give up. The fact that he did not even want to find out about you shows that he's not interested anymore. He's so irresponsible. Perhaps you are BETTER OFF without him.
There are many good guys in KL.. Hang on there.. You will find him :D
I am available! :P
Mr Thick Skin is also available!
Doktor is also available!
Guys, thanks for all of your encouragement!!
Yep, i guess i should drop this love matter now, as i don't seem to get good guy after all :(
But doctor, im waiting for you to ask me out though :P
What if I asked you out, Miss KL? Would you give me a chance? :D
Religious-Freak:
wow..u sound desperate! i like cool guy like dr love lar...
but, if u dun mind, u can share your profile with me though :P
Oh dear .. Doctor Love is always young at heart. Urrm can religious-freak and miss KL take your secret rendevous offline? hehehe but happy for you all if it works out fine :P
Miss KL.. I am not desperate. But I thought this blog is an avenue to meet people too and I like girls like you, the type that are loyal and faithful to love.
My profile ah? Um.. I'm single, male, stay in KL, 30 year old, 1.7m tall, 68kg, not good looking, not fashionable, loves to read, does not like to go pub, don't drink nor smoke, good sense of humour and of course, religious :)
To religious-freak,
Sounded like a boring & desperate guy. LOL! :P
Miss Peace, you sound like a self righteous, do gooder, arrogant woman.
Boys and girls, sometimes we do get into each other nerves, but remember only for the sake of fun ya.. Peace to the world.
To MR RELIGIOUS-FREAK..THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOU COMPLIMENT!
Miss Peace, why you go and sabo Religious-Freak? He may stand a chance with Miss KL you know. I guess, it will not work out anymore. Do you usually sabo other people?
umm... mga:
i guess religious-freak and ms peace can get along pretty well lor....
dun u guys think so? hehhee...
I didnt sabo him. The way he said is sounded like that. Just agreeing with Ms. KL. If this RELIGIOUS-FREAK and MS KL really have the chance. Who ever want to sapo. Will not works.
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