Hurt By Past Relationship
Dear Anonymous wrote :
Doctor Love,
A good friend of mine has not dated anyone since his last relationship. He found out the girl just wanted the green card and not him. I could understand how hurt he was at that time but it has been 6-7 years now and yet he still could not get out from the past.
How should I help him?
Doctor Love wrote :
First of all, I am very sorry to hear about your friend. For not dating after 7 years is a long time.
I guess you friend is so hurt that he may not want to face another fail relationship again. So as a friend, we need to get him out of that 'negative' thinking mode. I hope he is not burying himself with work all this year to try to forget the past.
There are few things we could help to rebuild your friend. However, the most important one is REBUILDING his/her SELF CONFIDENCE. We need to make him aware of his strength and make sure he recognized it. Once this is achieved, we could try to introduce our other close friends who appreciate these strengths or share the same interest. Of course you need to play a little cupid role here. Try to set up some parties and get your friend to mingle with them. Try not to put him on the spot or pressure him into meeting the potentials, but instead try to establish a network of friends for him/her. The key is really to make him/her to aware that there are other genuine people out there who care about him/her and eventually he/she could put trust again in other people, and eventually love and accept the others.
In my other titles, we mentioned a lot regarding couple sharing the same interest. If he/she loves movies for example, get a group of close friends with the same interest to do it. After the movie, you may want to hang out at cafe or quiet restaurants where everyone could share their life and joy. Hopefully with this your friend could re-open his/her heart again.
Personally, if anyone who had experienced a bad relationship before need a close friend like you to counsel and help those to get through this negative mode. If you are ready to help your friend, make sure you encourage them with good words in every little thing that he/she did. Not necessary getting a gal/guy is priority at this point, but ASSESS his/her level of SELF CONFIDENCE first ya. If he/she does not love himself/herself, he won’t able to love others.
Good luck to your friend and we hope your friend learnt his past and MOVE ON with his life.
posted by Kiasu-Ching @ 8:52 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
poor guy...
i guess has to TRY his very best to put his hurts behind him and move on with life.
Its hard. We all have been through alot of difficult and hurtful situations that doesn't seem to want to leave us but life has to go on no?
Just be a friend to him... be there for him.... maybe someday when he finds the courage to move on.... he will know you'll be there to support him.
And hopefully he does find the courage and strength to move on....
Dr Love, what you have said, we have done them all in the past 7 years. It does not seems to work. Perhaps there is wound that can never be healed.
Dear Anonymous
If you had tried all your resources and to no avail, you may want to advise your friend to seek professional counselling.
I am not saying your friends are crazy or hopeless, but professional counsellor may able to untie the knot your friend had for a very long time.
Who knows it may help?
My opinion: perhaps he doesn't really want to forget the past. It's really up to your friend. He's the one who has to decide to let go. He's the one who has to say enough is enough.. let me move on with my life.
I agree with Ringgit. Is all up to him. Time can really heal wounds We as friends can only give support. Can't really do anything but himself. Tell your friend..Be happy don't worry.
There are many girls out there. Lost one doesn't mean end of world. Tell him to wake up. :P
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