My Ex is Stalking Me

Being Stalked wrote:

Dear Sir/Madam, I have a predicament. I am happily married with 2 kids. The other day, at Jusco, I accidentally bumped into my ex. We broke up 10 years ago. When I saw her, I looked elsewhere and pretend I did not see her. It turned out that she did because a week later, she called me and asked about how I am doing and such. In the same conversation she told me about her other relationships since we broke up. I was being nice and sympathized with her.

Later, she started sending me SMS saying that I am the only man she ever loved and that the day we broke up was the day her life had a downturn. She started blaming me and my parents for her disastrous 10 years of life. She said that she only wished that we were married at that time - at least she would have a better life with kids and not being stuck.

She hinted a few times that we should get back together. I told her I loved my wife and kids. She obviously chose to ignore this as she continued to drop obvious hints. At one point, she said she does not really care if I am married or not. She just want us to be together.

Sir, I am scared. I did not want my married life affected. I have been honest to my wife. She knows every SMS and call she made to me but both of us are helpless. What can I do?

Doctor Love wrote:

I am assuming your past relationship which was your first love for both of you is the most memorable one, because it deeply affects your feelings and this carry througout our lives.

Keeping in touch with our Ex-es has nothing wrong, in fact we should thank them for the experienced we had shares and shaped up who we are today. However, the line has to be drawn after a past had come to an end, meaning there should be just friendship and nothing more.

You had done the right thing for keeping yourself sane. At least you are aware your family comes first now, because its our life commitment. We made this decision to commit and it's not given freely to anyone. You mentioned you had stated your stand very clear that you will not have an affair, and you should not try to give in at all.

Try to severe the communication with her, tell her she may affects your marriage. Tell her the consequence of her doings, tell her nicely. Make your point clear. She is in a state of insane now where she needs somebody to shake her hard enough to wake up. Stating the consequences clearly may stop this, if she understands. Don't show too much caring at this point, as she may think you still want her back!

If the above still does not work, and she is becoming psychotic for example, threatening to tell your wife about your current communications, make sure you be the first one to explain to your wife. Handle this with care, tell your wife exactly what has happened. Tell her you need her support and worry that she thinks of you are having affair, which you did not. Then if possible, calmly both of you can meet your ex and explain to her, that your family would not like to be disturbed. Don't shout or scold your ex, but rather show her you have a nice family and tell her you are happy now. Period.

I know this is hard for you, but being fair to yourself and family, we need to face it and not running away from this. Tell her once and for all, LET GO!

Keep us posted! Good Luck.