'Sorry' Is The Hardest Thing To Say

Dear all

I want to share with you a book I read recently. These days we have so many people with explosive behavior. All boils down to bad communication.

Very little we realise that the problem was because we do not know how to say 'Sorry' anymore. Once we uphold to our beliefs and our ego, very little we know too we actually belittle ourselves!

Once I was in a plane, I was sitting on seat no. 20A. A lady walked up to me and told me she has 20A too! Then she started to make nasty remarks and try to make me feel guilty. She made a scene out of it, and I can hear loud SIGH from seats behind me (annoying sounds). I stayed calm and asked for her boarding pass and compare. I turned to her and told her boarding pass was a USED stub. She walked away very fast and move to her correct seat, without apologising. However, deep in my heart, she had made a fool out of herself.

The book I had read recommended this - REGRET, REASON & REMEDY! The lady could have stay calm and find out the truth first. If she had the wrong pass, she could have say SORRY (Regret) who knows I may offer her the seat. She could explain it's her who saw it wrongly (REASON), then ppl will think she is a reasonable person instead of a loud mouth woman. And lastly, she could say she will be more careful the next time (REMEDY). And could walk away GRACEFULLY and get the RESPECT.

Well, I hope this little experience of mine will help to explain the 3Rs - REGRET, REASON & REMEDY! Let's not let our emotions take controls of our lives!

At Movies : "Be With You" - A Gem!

Hello all

Last weekend doctor saw an interesting Japanese romantic movie. You can find this little 'gem' on VCD or DVD now. This movie title is call 'BE WITH YOU' was a hit in Japan quite recently. If you think only Hollywood movie made interesting romantic movie, wait till you see this one ;-)

The movie seems like your ordinary predictable love story. It began with a widow Taku and his son who had lost their wife/mother (Mio) a year ago. Mio made a promise to come back one year later during the rainy season. One day while the father and son coping to live a life without their wife and mother, they bumped into a lost and amnesic lady at the wood. The lady resembled their deceased wife and mother.

The best part of the movie was when Taku hosted Mio and told her how he met her since school days and try to woo her but failed. Very typical of our daily teenage life. I can assured you will easily recall the memory from your school days. Of course, he went and flashback the story until one day, out of the blue Mio was willing to marry him. She was very convinced he is the one. Meeting Mio for the second time for Taku was like Love that happens all over again!

Unfortunately, after the rain season is over, Mio has to return to the unknown. Ready for the hankie and it was so well made and wasn't over dramatic. Little gesture in the movie made a very big impact in this gem.

When you think I had told you the whole story, but wait till you see it for yourself. There was a TWIST!!!! In fact the twist was the best story telling part I had ever seen for a longest time.

If you are a die hard fans for romantic movie. Don't miss this one ;-)

Road Rage Vs. Miss World (for World Peace)

Anonymous wrote :

Doktor, yesterday I had a row with my girlfriend. We had dinner and was on our way home. Everything was nice, warm and fuzzy. Then a bitchy reckless driver cut into my path even though I have honked to warn her. In that instant, my blood boiled. I was very angry. I showed the bitch the finger and then I over took her and cut into HER path. I wanted to show her how it felt to be rudely cut in.

My girlfriend was upset! She said I should not do such thing. She claimed that the driver may have cut in unintentionally and I should not show the finger. She questioned what I get out of showing the finger and doing what I did. I said I am angry and I get the satisfaction from my actions. I asked her what's wrong with that?

She said the fact that I was so violent is what's wrong. I said what violence? I am so fedup with her self righteousness. I mean, can't I be angry? Whose side is she on, anyway?

I told her I didn't want to discuss this anymore. I don't want a bitchy driver to cause us to argue for no reason. She said that it will surface again with another driver in the future.

The ride home was silence. I refused to talk to her.

This morning, I told myself that I did nothing wrong and I deserved to be angry at the bitch (driver). I don't have to apologize to my girlfriend. In fact, I think she should reconcile back.

I am aware of all the relationship improvement techniques or how a Venusian think so please don't give me general advice.

Just for the heck of it, just for this one time, I want to act and behave like a normal man. I just want to BE ANGRY and UNFORGIVING!

Can ah?


Doctor Love replied :

Dear Anonymous, many thanks for contributing your experience with us :-)

You have every right to feel angry with the B****H that has overtaken you. However, to put your anger into an action may not be the best thing to do. Can you imagine if you have a kid in your car, will you want your kid grow up this way too?

As for your girlfriend, she has a different perception is resolving things. You may feel upset with her for not supporting you, but she has not done anything wrong either ;-) Are you going to be upset with her because of her NICE nature? Why don't you think in a positive way. You have a kind girlfriend that will not accept violence as a resort to release anger.

You see, we all have different beliefs. And especially couple like you all, you may want to accept the differences. Next time, tell her how you feel and what you want to do before you actually do it. However, I can understand you may just lose it especially in Malaysian Highways. You may apologize first (she may view your earlier action was rude) and tell her why and how you feel. She may give you her thoughts, which you may not agree, but my point is you have to ACCEPT the differences. There may be NOT an instant resolution for this, but at least you are aware of each other's thoughts in the future. Slowly you will come to respect each other thoughts and beliefs.

Anyway, next time when you meet the same situation! Bit your LIPS and HONK!!!!

Internet : Creating Perfect Relationships?

I came across this interesting junk or spam email forwarded to me. I thought I will share with you all :-)

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one."

The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."

The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife.

Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship.

Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

Single and Happy ... What's Wrong With That?

Ringgit wrote :

Doktor Love, I have a friend. He's 3 years older than I am. He's still single and very much available. However, he shows no inclination of settling down. Not even the want or need to have a gf.. or bf for that matter. I know some single people but usually they are single not by choice but by circumstances and these people yearns for companionship... but my friend has no such interest. Is it because he's content with himself? Is it normal to be content and not to yearn for a companion?

Please advice my friend.

To any of Dr Love's readers .. if you want to know my friend, let me know. Maybe I can hook you up with him.

Doctor Love replied :

Dear Ringgit, you are so kind to your friend. I hope he appreciated that ;-P

Anyway, I am sure there are people who are like your friends. In my experience, people who do not wants to commit has a long laundry list that he or she wants to meet before settling down. Have you asked your friend about this?

Perhaps when you are single, you have more freedom to excercise your wants. For those who are married or with kids should be able to relate to the word freedom? Lifestyle will change drastically and making life plans has to put your partners into considerations first.

It is true, to have somebody to share your life or burden. However, perhaps your friend does not want his potential partner to commit with his unpredictable plans? When you have a partner, you want to give your best, you don't make them to put up with your unpredictable plans right? ;-)

So what is wrong with being Single? Nothing wrong, but your friend need to realise to stop and making commitments when the time is RIGHT :-)

Sacrifices means Love?

Maggi Goreng Ayam wrote :

Doktor.. I have a question. My question is: "What exactly is love?"

People say that if you are willing to sacrifice your life for another person, that means you love that person. Is that true?

How do I know if I love my boyfriend?

Doctor Love replied :

Dearest maggi goreng ayam, where have you been, haven't seen you around for a longest time ;-) I am glad you are my first patient who wrote in for the month of September :-)

Love ... what exactly is love. I will share with you how I perceive the meaning of love, as I could not describe Love in one single sentence. First of all, love is not just for your special partner, but Yourself, your family, your friends and in actual fact to everyone around us.

How do I achieve those feelings? I will not use the word sacrifice (may sound like you expect return). However, being an Average Joe or Plain Jane who lives in this planet, we should treat each other with kindness and fairness. We strive to do that, not easy but at least we try. Also, do not expect any RETURNS. Through this act, little that you know you will receive Appreciation and then Love. People start to care about you, people start NOTICING and FEELING comfortable about you. AND THEN along the way you may meet your White Horse or Barbie Doll. Love Evolves!

In other word, all along you may be willingly spending your time with people around you without your knowledge. We should not just single out one person that we love and ignore the rest. However, I agree if you need to put your partner on the Priority List.

How do you know you Love your BF? I always tell my friends, if you want to know whether you love your bf or gf. Would you able to stand him or her farting on the same bed, or snore like an orchestra in the bedroom? Love is give and take. If you are not willing to do that, then you should start questioning yourself again, if this person you really Love?

Therefore, maggi goreng ayam, sometimes, we should remain relax. Only this, we can see things clearly in our mind. We see the true colors of our partner. I hope you and your bf well ;-)