Appreciate Your Love Ones

Hello all I want to share with you a program I had watched last night. For those who live in Malaysia, may have heard of the TV program call 'Finding Angels' on NTV7, every Sunday 6pm. The program usually introduces a poor family which needs help and hoping some Good Samaritan out there will answer to their call. I had been watching the program all along but of course it can be a very depressing at times. However, yesterday program was exceptionally touching.

The program was recorded 3 weeks ago before it went live. It was about a family of 3, Mr. Li, Fiona (Mrs. Li) and their only daughter. The Li family is successful in business running projects for housing developers. Just 1 week before this program went live, Mr. Li passed away. And his plea was recorded for the program last night.

Basically, Mr. Li was dying of cancer, and bed ridden. Before he left the family he wanted the housing developers who owe him money to pay up. The money is important to him because it was for his wife Fiona and the daughter’s future. Therefore, he hoped someone out there could help him to get back their entitlements.

The recording was played in front of his wife Fiona in a TV studio. You can see her dabbing her tears away every time the husband spoke on the TV. At one scene, the TV recorded a special message for the wife (without Fiona knowing). With almost a lifeless glance, the husband thanked Fiona for putting up with his sickness for the last 3 years and always being there when he needed her. At the time of the recording, he mentioned that he refused to give up Life. The wife sobbed uncontrollably.

The emotions ran high on the program last night. At the back of my mind, I kept thinking how much this couple has suffered and their love for each other must be very strong at this stage in their life. They are hardworking couple who made money to meet their needs, but dishonest businessman seeing this an opportunity to get away from paying them.

After the program, I felt like calling my family and friends, telling them how sorry I am. On the other hand, we have couples who are always not satisfy with each other and end up breaking up. How about this couple? The wife could easily walk away and retired from attending to his sick husband. Or the husband could leave the wife without fighting for injustice for the sake of the family's future. Instead they choose to live Life together eventhough there is little hope to live for Mr. Li.

I came to a conclusion (at least a reminder to myself) that we always take our family or partners for granted. I can be a very ignorant person, simply because I could walk, talk and eat daily. At times, I am proud of myself and I don't need others' help. We stopped appreciating and communicating with people around us, because they don't comply with our needs or beliefs. There is really lack of love surrounding our society today. Program like ‘Finding Angels’ made me realized how lucky I am. I hope people will continue to practice compassions and love their enemies. We may not able to stop a war today but we are able to change our life and others surrounding us. Hugs from Doctor Love...

Discussion : 1st Impressions

Dear all

How is everybody? ;-) Since it has been quiet for the last few days, I like to try a discussion. I like to draw from your experiences where all the readers could share and learn from each other. All good and bad dating experiences are most welcome ya ;-P

The topic I would like to discuss is "First Impression". What do you do and how do you prepare yourself for this "First Date"? Do you go to pedicure and manicure? Will you bring a special gift along?

During the meeting, what will you discuss about? Do you talk about your work? Or you talk about your family or even your pets? How do you feel during the meeting?

After the meeting, when and how do you know you will meet them again? Do you call them, or you wait for them to call?

Share with us so we know how to prepare ourselves in our next upcoming Date ;-)

Hurt By Past Relationship

Dear Anonymous wrote :

Doctor Love,

A good friend of mine has not dated anyone since his last relationship. He found out the girl just wanted the green card and not him. I could understand how hurt he was at that time but it has been 6-7 years now and yet he still could not get out from the past.

How should I help him?

Doctor Love wrote :

First of all, I am very sorry to hear about your friend. For not dating after 7 years is a long time.

I guess you friend is so hurt that he may not want to face another fail relationship again. So as a friend, we need to get him out of that 'negative' thinking mode. I hope he is not burying himself with work all this year to try to forget the past.

There are few things we could help to rebuild your friend. However, the most important one is REBUILDING his/her SELF CONFIDENCE. We need to make him aware of his strength and make sure he recognized it. Once this is achieved, we could try to introduce our other close friends who appreciate these strengths or share the same interest. Of course you need to play a little cupid role here. Try to set up some parties and get your friend to mingle with them. Try not to put him on the spot or pressure him into meeting the potentials, but instead try to establish a network of friends for him/her. The key is really to make him/her to aware that there are other genuine people out there who care about him/her and eventually he/she could put trust again in other people, and eventually love and accept the others.

In my other titles, we mentioned a lot regarding couple sharing the same interest. If he/she loves movies for example, get a group of close friends with the same interest to do it. After the movie, you may want to hang out at cafe or quiet restaurants where everyone could share their life and joy. Hopefully with this your friend could re-open his/her heart again.

Personally, if anyone who had experienced a bad relationship before need a close friend like you to counsel and help those to get through this negative mode. If you are ready to help your friend, make sure you encourage them with good words in every little thing that he/she did. Not necessary getting a gal/guy is priority at this point, but ASSESS his/her level of SELF CONFIDENCE first ya. If he/she does not love himself/herself, he won’t able to love others.

Good luck to your friend and we hope your friend learnt his past and MOVE ON with his life.

Places To Meet The Potential

Tea-o (corrected hehe)wrote :

Hey dr Lurve,

I just wondered if you know a good place to meet "potential" candidate?

Esp for a person who doesn't drink, don't like pubs, hate smokey places?

Prefers serene places?

Doctor Love wrote :

Hello dear Tea-o (corrected), how have you been? The potential places that I usually recommend to my friends are CHURCH :-) In church there are a lot of activities like bible study or church band you could join. Eventually you may meet guys that may meet your criterias eh :-) Church usually has very strong network, thus chances of meeting nice soul are higher ;-)

Other places, are like

- Libraries;
- Friend's Birthday Parties;
- College Annual Alumni (if lucky some ex-schoolmate may be still single!);
- Charity works (many many nice souls there!).

OK, above are my list. Anymore out there, any readers care to give your comment? ;-)

Let's get Physical!

Anonymous wrote (renamed to Miss Physical) :

Dear Doctor Love,

I have been lurking around your website for some time already but never wanted to participate. I see that you are indeed knowledgable in matters of the heart. You must be a great lover in real life. Your partner must be really lucky.

I have been dating this wonderful man for almost 2 years. We have a lot of things to talk about. Our romance was never boring. Having said that, I do have a nagging doubt.

We have been physically close. We like to hold hands and touch each other. We enjoy the physical closeness. All the hugs and kisses and well.. "exploration", if you know what I mean.

We can't get enough of being close to one another. We like to talk about our body and our pleasures. I think this is perfectly ok as I feel very comfortable and very in love with this man. We are even planning on marriage.

My doubt is that I feel that our relationship is more physical than emotion or less on the soul-mate/best friend level. As a woman, I worry.. what happens if one day, this physical interest and curiosity disappear? We work on different fields. We have different beliefs. We have different interests. The only common thing we have is respect for each other and this physical attraction. Of course, he's really a great guy and I feel I am fortunate to meet someone like him. What if...

Marriage is for life.. and it should not be based on physical attraction alone. And yet.. looking at the way things are going, I do worry about our future.

What are your advice, Doctor?

Dr. Love replied :

Thanks for the compliments Miss Physical. I am also glad there are readers out there who actually enjoy reading my blog ;-)

I am glad that you have found a wonderful guy for yourself. And he's rather physical and I believe a lot of gals out there are going to be envy eh ;-)

Getting physical in a relationship is in fact a healthy thing. Yes, no doubt we will grow old one day, but that does not mean we should stop getting physical as well :-) I think most important is to stay healthy and fit. Don't worry too much about your lover will leave you if you are old and haggard. What is important is we AGED GRACEFULLY with full of CONFIDENCE. Start eating healthy now, do more excercise, and we will naturally becoming YOUNGER! The choice to be fit and pretty is in your hand ;-)

As for your internal needs, you have to analyse if your boyfriend is either Type 1, who is not aware on how to fulfil your emotional needs, or Type 2, he is an emotionless person.

For Type 1, it's much easier to handle. All you need is to train him, tell him when you need support. As long as he is willing to learn and accept your emotions needs, he will be fine. As for Type 2, it's much harder. Usually, it will takes a lot of time and patience. You may lose your patience along your way, but stay true to what you want. Based on my experience, you need to treat him like a professional (or colleague). Talk to him like getting advises from him. He will naturally open up to you. Hopefully, after a period of time, he knows what you need when he gets the hint again :-)

Whatever it is, if your boyfriend truly Love you, even if we grow older, he will still continue to love you. Just make sure you enjoy his companionship and continue to shower each other with love ;-)

Ladies and Flowers

Ringgit wrote:

Dr Love, why do women like flowers so much?

Dr. Love replied :

Ringgit thanks for writing in, it had been a quiet week eh ;-)

OK why does gal loves flowers? Urrmm well first of all, flowers are colorful and most gals love colors too. Also, fresh flowers are lively and could lit up not only the gals but also the environment surrounding us.

When some girls received pretty flowers they feel happy because they feel some commitments were shown by the boyfriends. We know diamonds are girls best friend, but you don't expect the boy to get you one every day or week right ;-)

At least for flowers, you can get for the gals every day or weeks, and some color represent some messages. So it's like love messages for the gals :-) Or saying I love you everyday to them. This makes the girl excited. Just make sure the gals who received it does not show off to those single gals out there ya ;-)

Mrs Freedom - Case Study

Hello all my patients out there! It has been quiet for the last few days and it's the beginning of August. One fan wrote to me to ask what happened. I guess it must be a busy week for everyone, hence no time to worry about their love problems! But of course, Dr. Love hopes everyone is settling fine with their loved ones. If you have questions, you know where to find me ya :-)

OK I had decided to post another case study. The last case study with Mr. TS was rather interesting. Thanks for all the comments. I had contacted my source Anti-Ringgit, and found Mr. TS has not change a bit after reading all the comments. He had recently joined a gym hoping to meet more potential. God bless Mr. TS, I hope he will come to realize his immaturity - Sorry Mr. TS but it is the fact ;-P

OK new case study goes like this...

Mrs. Freedom got married early this year. She was very happy and the couple happily settled into a new home. They love each other very much. I am very happy for them.

Mrs. Freedom is a rather quiet person especially to strangers. She rather spends time with her loved ones at home, counting her assets or does things together with Mr. Freedom. Meanwhile, Mr. Freedom is very much an outdoor person, outgoing, loves meeting and making new friends. He loves musical and theater show (which Mrs. Freedom does not know how to appreciate) and always asks Mrs. Freedom to go with him.

One day, Mrs. Freedom felt lost as she found that she lives a different life than Mr. Freedom. While she love to spend time with her husband doing something together, she does not quite enjoy her husband hobbies especially those related to musical or theater. She also finds that she does not enjoy socializing with Mr. Freedom's co-workers and friends. However, knowing Mr. Freedom's choices, she is accommodating Mr. Freedom to ensure the hubby is happy!

Mrs. Freedom is getting confused on this matter now. She wasn't sure giving up her personal preferences will be a solution in this relationship.

Should she give in or should she speak up? What should Mrs. Freedom do?

What say you? ;-)