The Control Freak Girlfriend

Being Controlled wrote :

Hi Dr. Love,

I have a cousin just got dumped by his gf without any reason. They have been together for 5 years.

From what he told me. This gf is super queen control. She don't let him play futsal (even thou she is still sleeping - 7-9am), cannot 'mamak' with his cousin brother or friends (all guys)once a week, cannot go to cousin house for dinner, cannot do this that and always piss him off until to the stage of fighting.

Then after the break she still sent him love email, song & care for him.

My counsin questions is why she still want to sent lovey dovey emails or songs? What is she trying to do?

He is confused. Don't know she want to break for real or someone teaching her to do so (to test his love) or ???

Doctor Love replied :

Dear Being Controlled, I am so sorry to hear about yr cousin's case. I think many of us may had experienced this before. And a lot of us will be asking why. Usually, when a person reacting like a controller has something to do with how this person brought up. Possibly during his childhood till now, he or she always feeling INSECURE!

Your poor cousins felt being controlled because he felt being ruled by her, and obviously he could not stand her right now. At the same time, the girl is feeling FEAR of losing your cousin. After she realised what she had done, then only she begins to feel insecure in herself all over again.

To overcome this, it will take a while. Your cousin may not able to change her unless she wants to CHANGE! She needs to look into herselves and recognised her weaknesses. She needs to communicate more with your cousin and overcome her fear. She controls because she FEARS! and hence became jealous! It needs effort. Also, to communicate does not means to INTERROGATE! :P

Now it really depends on your cousin if he really loves her and willing to put effort to rescue this relationships. It will be an uphill task. Ask what his heart wants, don't advise him on anything! Just get him to seek the answer in his own heart :-) Only this way, there will be real commitments.

Good luck!

Love Yourself Today :P

Hi all

I was rather busy lately, however, I like to share with you all a rather (one of the) eye opening experience. I have always knew this, but this is one of the constant reminder to myself, why I should love myself.

I recently visited a country where not many asians like to go somehow! However, this country is divided by the rich (get richer) and the poor became hardcore poor. (The government has to do something here - stop corruption feeds the nation!) Anyway, I like this country because it is very eccentric compare to other developing Asian countries. Everywhere in the world has crime, but in this country, you can see the poor people are not overly aggresive - bound to have petty crimes, but not to the extent of robbing and killing on the street (low in statistic). People still remains humble and religious.

One rainy night, I had decided to go out for dinner. I had to bargain with the rickshaw to get to my destination. Got settled and paved through all the traffics. We then reached at this T junction and stopped at red light. A girl (I think around age 11) came walked to my rickshaw. She was drenched, all her hair was wet, rain dripping her face constantly. She looked at me with a very pitiful glance (guilty and fear), then she handed a pack of cottonbud and hoping I will buy. She gave me a weak smile and god it's rainning, why on earth is she still selling!! Survival of course. She wasn't aggresive at all, but her act really moved me. I handed some money to her, but I don't think I gave enough (I was being defensive and calculative when I handed her the money).

I am sure a lot of you out there may had experienced the same thing. Or friends told me, there are so many out there, how many can you give? I have to disagree with that. Yes I may not have the wealth to give to all of them, but isn't that's a sign that something is wrong in mankind? And Yes to stop this, it has to start from us! In ourselves.

In today's world, everyone was too focus with their wants and forgetting their core of their heart. When scenario above pose to them, they guarded their money and interest first.

There is 2 things I always tell myself to remain sane in this world. (1) Why do we have so many unhappy people in relationships. Why so many discontent? Look at this poor kid, she has nothing but just a pair of hand and a bright smile to survive! We have most of the things we probably may not need and yet we quote discontent to improvise our life. Why? Better life but are you happier?

(2) We all must love ourselves. Only this way, we can love others. This logic is very simple, if each of us can do that, we won't have so much problems in the world. Yes we are not miss or mr universe or politicians that can save the world, but that does not mean we cannot DO IT NOW! All it takes is to spread it and touch others with the same act.

For those in relationship, stop demanding from your partners. Instead love him or her with your heart and soul. Accept and respect each other. Iron out your problems, listen to your heart, don't listen to others! Don't let others to lead you to the wrong path, and only your hearts have the answer when you are calm.

So everyone, SMILE, it won't cost you anything! :)

Why men are cruel?

Anonymous wrote :

Dr Love,

I have a nice girl friend,she is a nice cheerful girl. She can supply me with endorphine, make me laugh most of the times, fun person to be with. But u know, life is sometimes so unfair, she has been hurt by men. Some courted her - when she showed interest, they ran away. Some cheated on her trust ...Why men are so cruel? where is their integrity ? (disclaimer - not all men like this of course - Dr Love is one of the example - i hope :P)

Doctor Love replied :

Dear anonymous, I think in this world there are good and bad guys. We shall not generalize all men are equally bad, based on one or two incidents :)

Some men are fearful of commitment. This is because first of all, they do not know what is commitment itself. Commitment is not about tying you down all together and losing your space. Instead, it should be great communication between the couple with great intimacy like talking and flirting with each other. (Sex is not all :P )

Next time, when your friend is seeing someone, try this, instead of jumping into conclusion of I LOVE U and U LOVE ME. Try to communicate well first, both of you must be at ease and feel a comfort level between the 2 of you. Then go to the next level where you call each other lover.

Sometimes we get hurt in relationship, but that does not mean we are at fault. We should continue to search the soul out there who accept us as an individual rather than a sex object :P

Actively searching for a partner

ipod shuffle wrote :

Dr Love,

A friend of mine has been dating a pretty, successful woman for 9 weeks. The girl is the only child from wealthy family. She is also very smart and attractive, working for one of the biggest law firm in NYC. Gilr like her will not have a problem getting anyone in her life. Whilst my friend is hard to describe. He lives in US for many years, making a lot of money but not sure if he saving any. He never stop looking for woman in his life. He treats his girl friend very well.

Dr Love, I am not sure why this girl falls for my friend. I do hope that they have a happy ending but I am not so confident. I do not want to see my friend heart broken again.

Do you think couples that are very different in status could turn out well?

ipod shuffle replied :

I hope your friend will remain successful in the relationship. Personally I do think people from different status may have challenges, from family, lifestyle or even their view in life.

However, all this really depends on the couple willing to commit and sacrifice. If one could let go of certain imperfections or shortcomings of their partners, things will work out fine.

As for your friend, could it be due to his choosiness? Does he has a big ego and need a partner to match up to that?

Sometimes I find, good things are just in front of us, even presented right on our plate, but we choose to ignore or reject them. We all wants to pursue mr ideal or miss perfect. I don't think it works this way, but that's life :P