Monday, February 13, 2006

My Mood-less Valentine!

ringgit wrote :

Doktor, VDay is round the corner but I don't feel much. Like no mood. Is VDay more important to the ladies than to the men?

I feel that BDay is more important than VDay..

Doctor Love replied :

Dear ringgit, Happy Valentine's day to you and all the readers out there eh! Well well, it's alright to feel mood-less over Valentine's, after all it's a hype created by the money making industry. A special date is to commemorate a special event in your life with your partner, for example, birthday, first date, first kiss, anniversary, because you have more feelings with these dates as you had gone through and experienced these dates together.

Anyway, some gals may get jealous because other partners are celebrating while you are not. Thanks to the commercial crazy industry eh!

For doctor, everyday is Valentine's day ;-)

Saturday, February 11, 2006

My Ex is Stalking Me

Being Stalked wrote:

Dear Sir/Madam, I have a predicament. I am happily married with 2 kids. The other day, at Jusco, I accidentally bumped into my ex. We broke up 10 years ago. When I saw her, I looked elsewhere and pretend I did not see her. It turned out that she did because a week later, she called me and asked about how I am doing and such. In the same conversation she told me about her other relationships since we broke up. I was being nice and sympathized with her.

Later, she started sending me SMS saying that I am the only man she ever loved and that the day we broke up was the day her life had a downturn. She started blaming me and my parents for her disastrous 10 years of life. She said that she only wished that we were married at that time - at least she would have a better life with kids and not being stuck.

She hinted a few times that we should get back together. I told her I loved my wife and kids. She obviously chose to ignore this as she continued to drop obvious hints. At one point, she said she does not really care if I am married or not. She just want us to be together.

Sir, I am scared. I did not want my married life affected. I have been honest to my wife. She knows every SMS and call she made to me but both of us are helpless. What can I do?

Doctor Love wrote:

I am assuming your past relationship which was your first love for both of you is the most memorable one, because it deeply affects your feelings and this carry througout our lives.

Keeping in touch with our Ex-es has nothing wrong, in fact we should thank them for the experienced we had shares and shaped up who we are today. However, the line has to be drawn after a past had come to an end, meaning there should be just friendship and nothing more.

You had done the right thing for keeping yourself sane. At least you are aware your family comes first now, because its our life commitment. We made this decision to commit and it's not given freely to anyone. You mentioned you had stated your stand very clear that you will not have an affair, and you should not try to give in at all.

Try to severe the communication with her, tell her she may affects your marriage. Tell her the consequence of her doings, tell her nicely. Make your point clear. She is in a state of insane now where she needs somebody to shake her hard enough to wake up. Stating the consequences clearly may stop this, if she understands. Don't show too much caring at this point, as she may think you still want her back!

If the above still does not work, and she is becoming psychotic for example, threatening to tell your wife about your current communications, make sure you be the first one to explain to your wife. Handle this with care, tell your wife exactly what has happened. Tell her you need her support and worry that she thinks of you are having affair, which you did not. Then if possible, calmly both of you can meet your ex and explain to her, that your family would not like to be disturbed. Don't shout or scold your ex, but rather show her you have a nice family and tell her you are happy now. Period.

I know this is hard for you, but being fair to yourself and family, we need to face it and not running away from this. Tell her once and for all, LET GO!

Keep us posted! Good Luck.

Monday, February 06, 2006

I think I am Unattractive!

Unattractive? wrote :

doctor,

I am trying to find someone to love me. when i went overseas, I met some friends there, some of them expressed their interests to date me, or some said I'm attractive too. Those feeling of being appreciated as an attractive girl was nice. The problem is I don't get this kind of comment or treatment back home. I don't feel attractive, guys don't show interests in me ... what is wrong here ?

Doctor Love replied :

Dear Unattractive?,

There is nothing wrong with you, and I also feels it you should not make the assumptions overseas men are more interested of you than the local. Many times we made the assumptions because we have not met our match yet.

Anyway, Doctor Love also learned today, there is actually no MR IDEAL. It's all in our mind. Even when you think you met Mr Ideal, he may have other things which you dislikes. You see we are all different human being, we got influenced by so many things we read and see, we build a person we want in our mind. In reality, there isn't. That may be one of the reason many remains single. Go ask an ideal couple, do they have problems in their behind the bedroom door?

My advise is don't give up. Start publish your personal ad on mags or newspaper, try ice breaker program. There is nothing wrong, the more guys you meet the more you learn of what you eventually want. Else you will forever waiting for Mr Ideal to knock on your door. Go for it! Your soul mate may be near you and show up in a very unexpected way!

Feelings for a new guy :-)

Cavewoman wrote :

Dr Love,

cavewoman met a guy. Don't know him well enough. But 'feeling' indicate that can spend more effort knowing him. Problem is there is no close friends to help ....aiiii. If guys said they need signals,signs from woman to hint them ...then this Cavewoman had tried Sms-ed him, had emailed him ....but sometimes cavewoman only received his sms-es after 1 or 2 days, emails so far no reply. So, this is clear sign that it is a NO GO hor ?

Doctor Love replied :

Dear all, Gong Xi Fa Cai, after a long hiatus I am back with some fans eh! Anyway glad to hear again from my fans.

Dear Cavewoman,

Good to hear you met a guy you think you are interested in. OK, whatever it is dump away all the bad conservative advices! Women should make the first move and I will tell you why. Studies found that women are Pursuer, while men (most of them) are Distancer. By not getting frequent SMS from this guy does not mean it's the end. What you can do is to initiate first. Also, you need to understand a behavior of a Distancer. Usually distancer, does not like to be overwhelmed with calls and love messages. Simply because Distancer does not want to lose their FREEDOM.

Take it slow, make the Distancer feel SAFE. Safe that he can open up to you. Getting friends help may work but only if Distancer knows them well, else Distancer will get disconnected very fast. You need to sense when to Connect (call or SMS) or Disconnect (give him space). Remember don't overwhelm him, he needs time. I am assuming your friend as a Distancer here.

Anyway, keep me update with your progress eh! Good Luck.