XBOX versus GF - who will win?

MGS wrote :

Hi Doktor,

Long time no see.. are you still in business? I am troubled by my bf. I think he does not love me anymore. He loves his hobby - playing video games on XBOX - more than he wanted to spend time with me. He's not listening to me when I talk. Every where we go are video games shop to buy games for himself. We hardly ever go out to shop for my own stuff. What should I do?

Doktor replied :

Hi MGS

Sorry for not replying earlier. I thought I was out of business, many cobweb around my PC now! hehehe

Anyway, yes the new generations of bf is getting out of hand. They rather drive a car or kill somebody in front of their PC! And it can be rather cold treatment from your bf when he's obssessed with his games!

Well there is 2 things you can do - if you CANNOT win XBOX, JOIN him! Choose a game you both like and play together! Eat together in front of the PC !

Or, you can tell him in advance set up a special date. I think these kind of bf you cannot do things spontaneous. You need to tell him what you want to do tis coming saturday for example, and get him to commit. Tell him that period he has to be away from his beloved PC for a little while.

Well let me know how it goes. Take care for now.

Your long lost doctor!

Which one to choose

Darlene wrote :

I dated a guy last year. I think I still have some feelings for him but at the same time I am in love with another guy. What should I do.

Doctor replied :

Dear Darlene, it would be hard if you try to keep 2 relationships at the same time. In the end you may lose both. Ask yourself and assess both of them. Which one do you have the strongest feeling towards. Also, consider about his characters and compatibility.

Everyday in our life, we meet a lot of people, we can easily fall for others too. However,you can only keep one if you are serious about growing together with your partner. You need to learn to let go one of them. Keep him as friend. Sometimes the best thing in life is not having them, but instead you keep wanting them. Having multiple partners could also leads to distrust :-P

Hope you have an answer deep in your heart.

My Mood-less Valentine!

ringgit wrote :

Doktor, VDay is round the corner but I don't feel much. Like no mood. Is VDay more important to the ladies than to the men?

I feel that BDay is more important than VDay..

Doctor Love replied :

Dear ringgit, Happy Valentine's day to you and all the readers out there eh! Well well, it's alright to feel mood-less over Valentine's, after all it's a hype created by the money making industry. A special date is to commemorate a special event in your life with your partner, for example, birthday, first date, first kiss, anniversary, because you have more feelings with these dates as you had gone through and experienced these dates together.

Anyway, some gals may get jealous because other partners are celebrating while you are not. Thanks to the commercial crazy industry eh!

For doctor, everyday is Valentine's day ;-)

My Ex is Stalking Me

Being Stalked wrote:

Dear Sir/Madam, I have a predicament. I am happily married with 2 kids. The other day, at Jusco, I accidentally bumped into my ex. We broke up 10 years ago. When I saw her, I looked elsewhere and pretend I did not see her. It turned out that she did because a week later, she called me and asked about how I am doing and such. In the same conversation she told me about her other relationships since we broke up. I was being nice and sympathized with her.

Later, she started sending me SMS saying that I am the only man she ever loved and that the day we broke up was the day her life had a downturn. She started blaming me and my parents for her disastrous 10 years of life. She said that she only wished that we were married at that time - at least she would have a better life with kids and not being stuck.

She hinted a few times that we should get back together. I told her I loved my wife and kids. She obviously chose to ignore this as she continued to drop obvious hints. At one point, she said she does not really care if I am married or not. She just want us to be together.

Sir, I am scared. I did not want my married life affected. I have been honest to my wife. She knows every SMS and call she made to me but both of us are helpless. What can I do?

Doctor Love wrote:

I am assuming your past relationship which was your first love for both of you is the most memorable one, because it deeply affects your feelings and this carry througout our lives.

Keeping in touch with our Ex-es has nothing wrong, in fact we should thank them for the experienced we had shares and shaped up who we are today. However, the line has to be drawn after a past had come to an end, meaning there should be just friendship and nothing more.

You had done the right thing for keeping yourself sane. At least you are aware your family comes first now, because its our life commitment. We made this decision to commit and it's not given freely to anyone. You mentioned you had stated your stand very clear that you will not have an affair, and you should not try to give in at all.

Try to severe the communication with her, tell her she may affects your marriage. Tell her the consequence of her doings, tell her nicely. Make your point clear. She is in a state of insane now where she needs somebody to shake her hard enough to wake up. Stating the consequences clearly may stop this, if she understands. Don't show too much caring at this point, as she may think you still want her back!

If the above still does not work, and she is becoming psychotic for example, threatening to tell your wife about your current communications, make sure you be the first one to explain to your wife. Handle this with care, tell your wife exactly what has happened. Tell her you need her support and worry that she thinks of you are having affair, which you did not. Then if possible, calmly both of you can meet your ex and explain to her, that your family would not like to be disturbed. Don't shout or scold your ex, but rather show her you have a nice family and tell her you are happy now. Period.

I know this is hard for you, but being fair to yourself and family, we need to face it and not running away from this. Tell her once and for all, LET GO!

Keep us posted! Good Luck.

I think I am Unattractive!

Unattractive? wrote :

doctor,

I am trying to find someone to love me. when i went overseas, I met some friends there, some of them expressed their interests to date me, or some said I'm attractive too. Those feeling of being appreciated as an attractive girl was nice. The problem is I don't get this kind of comment or treatment back home. I don't feel attractive, guys don't show interests in me ... what is wrong here ?

Doctor Love replied :

Dear Unattractive?,

There is nothing wrong with you, and I also feels it you should not make the assumptions overseas men are more interested of you than the local. Many times we made the assumptions because we have not met our match yet.

Anyway, Doctor Love also learned today, there is actually no MR IDEAL. It's all in our mind. Even when you think you met Mr Ideal, he may have other things which you dislikes. You see we are all different human being, we got influenced by so many things we read and see, we build a person we want in our mind. In reality, there isn't. That may be one of the reason many remains single. Go ask an ideal couple, do they have problems in their behind the bedroom door?

My advise is don't give up. Start publish your personal ad on mags or newspaper, try ice breaker program. There is nothing wrong, the more guys you meet the more you learn of what you eventually want. Else you will forever waiting for Mr Ideal to knock on your door. Go for it! Your soul mate may be near you and show up in a very unexpected way!

Feelings for a new guy :-)

Cavewoman wrote :

Dr Love,

cavewoman met a guy. Don't know him well enough. But 'feeling' indicate that can spend more effort knowing him. Problem is there is no close friends to help ....aiiii. If guys said they need signals,signs from woman to hint them ...then this Cavewoman had tried Sms-ed him, had emailed him ....but sometimes cavewoman only received his sms-es after 1 or 2 days, emails so far no reply. So, this is clear sign that it is a NO GO hor ?

Doctor Love replied :

Dear all, Gong Xi Fa Cai, after a long hiatus I am back with some fans eh! Anyway glad to hear again from my fans.

Dear Cavewoman,

Good to hear you met a guy you think you are interested in. OK, whatever it is dump away all the bad conservative advices! Women should make the first move and I will tell you why. Studies found that women are Pursuer, while men (most of them) are Distancer. By not getting frequent SMS from this guy does not mean it's the end. What you can do is to initiate first. Also, you need to understand a behavior of a Distancer. Usually distancer, does not like to be overwhelmed with calls and love messages. Simply because Distancer does not want to lose their FREEDOM.

Take it slow, make the Distancer feel SAFE. Safe that he can open up to you. Getting friends help may work but only if Distancer knows them well, else Distancer will get disconnected very fast. You need to sense when to Connect (call or SMS) or Disconnect (give him space). Remember don't overwhelm him, he needs time. I am assuming your friend as a Distancer here.

Anyway, keep me update with your progress eh! Good Luck.

Tis Season To Be Jolly! Love your parents and friends ;-)

Ding dong ding dong! This morning I woke up feeling the sunshine and it was a great morning. People may be waking up late after late nite parties or even early to go to church celebrating Christmas.

I didn't do much last night and I had a relaxing Christmas eve. I picked up the morning paper and start browsing for any interesting stories or news.

There was one section on the newspaper where they interviewed the old folks home. There were few interviews and mostly covered the stories of the neglected souls at old folks home. One of the interview, indeed took me by surprise, probably on her wishes she has made.

She is 86 year old, and she mentioned, Christmas is the day she remembered her good old days with her husband and family. Her husband passed away for 13 years now, and she detailed out what she usually do during Christmas, preparing dinner for their guests. She has kids but were all migrated to Canada and built their family overseas. It was obviously too expensive for their kids to visit her and vice versa.

Her wish for the Christmas is she wish the Lord will not keep her too long in this world. I suddenly feel sadness and loneliness for this poor soul. It was indeed a heart wrenching statement.

I wish to all my patience, for this holiday season, do spend time with your loved ones and families. Even a simple call will do good for anyone! Spirit of Love is what keeping us alive in this insane world. I wish the lady in the newspaper will continue to find spirit of love and never give up hope to live happily.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2006

To all my dear patients ;-)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, let's look forward for another blessing year in 2006. Be sure to spend time with your love ones. In this journey of our life, we need to stop by on the road and remember to smell the roses :-)

Hip hip hooray! Cheers! Kampai!