Miss Birthday and Mr Candle
Miss Birthday wrote :
Dear Dr Love, it's great to have a place like this for me to complain, talk and a virtual shoulder to cry on ...
Today is my birthday, i didn't expect anything to happen or to celebrate. But it appears to be a sad birthday...
Firstly, no sms at all from my best friend..
Secondly, i'm still celebrating birthday alone :(. Though i've got a gift, an expensive gift from Mr Candle.. who went after me like crazy 1 year ago, but just would like to remain as friend for now.
I truly have a question that bothers me for the past 1 year, Mr Candle came strong, wanted me to be his girlfriend... and the moment i was melted to say yes, he said just wanna be my friend...
So, we've been friend for the past 1 year.. very close friend that we met 2-3 times a week for dinner, and i was suprised with the expensive birthday gift. But, he did not ask me out for dinner...
I had strong feeling for him that i forced myself to slow down, but tonite i'm really really sad that i guess would end my birthday with tears...
pls tell me what should i do next...why would a guy give an expensive gift to a girl who is just a normal friend ? Am i sad coz of Mr Candle or just scared of the lonely feeling ?
Dr. Love wrote :
Hey you, Birthday Girl .. let me sing this to you first ..
Happy Birthday to you x 4 :-) .. ok make a Wish!
Alrighty, you should not feel sad especially TODAY over no call from Friends. Dr Love used to EXPECT a lot of wishes and presents when I was younger. However, as I grew older, I learned to expect Less, because my close friends around me has their own life and families which are more important to them. Also,I do not want to be reminded that I am OLDER hehe!. I know one day they will eventually forget (unintentionally), but that does not stop me from doing things that will make myself happy :-) When you learn to expect less, you will get more and bigger Surprises ahead of you.
As for Mr Candle, from what you had described, it seems he has changed his mind to make you his special girlfriend. There was nothing wrong for a friend to give you an expensive present :) Probably it's month end and he got his pay eh! Well, I would say don't READ too much on the expensive present. If you are close enough to him, you can ask him Jokingly if he is seeing someone else. If he does, it could well explain why he wants to be a Normal friend. If he doesn't, then he may not be Ready for a relationship now. Go on and continue to be his friend, don't pressure him for an answer. IF he is Yours, he will Eventually Come Back to you :-) You should continue to be Yourself and be Approachable! Trust me guys will not like girls who worry too much. Be strong and confidence eh ;-)
posted by Kiasu-Ching @ 11:12 PM
11 comments
11 Comments:
Miss Birthday, in my opinion, it is better to talk to him and ask him to get a definite answer. You have waited for a year. Do you still want to wait another year and suffer without knowing what is in his mind? Just ask him out for a dinner (citing that you wanted to buy him a dinner for such an expensive gift). In the dinner, just tell him that something is bothering you. Are you two still friends or is there more to it? If no, then fine. If yes, wow.. congratulations...
I think it is key to communicate instead of waiting for no reason. Perhaps you are still young and shy. Well, the decision is yours but it is better to get an answer and move on. I'm sure Dr Love would agree.
Girl,
I've been thru some of the scenarios, and would like to share my thoughts. Firstly, there is this group of men who has strong purchasing power, who is so used of sending gifts to women. When he buys thing, it has got to be good quality stuff - to him is just normal thing (he has a reputation to keep so to speak). However, may be at our level, it is deemed as expensive gifts, too much to receive as normal gift ...thus we may then interpret wrongly.
Secondly, I met a super square wood guy who knows nothing about sensitivity or romance & shy - yet he also knew that a girl's birthday is the BEST time to show the affection. I think if a man is interested in you, he would have dated you out for dinner on your birthday - to win your heart. Thirdly, there is also this group of men who said this to me - they prefer speed dating, get to know a girl, woo her, then within short time, turn to couple. If the whole courting process took longer time, then they lost the interest - and eventually - they just want to be friends ... there are just so many types of people out there - Doktor Love once said - sometimes matching is a frustrating process -Girl - you need to do what is right for you, follow your heart, every woman is equipped with this heart instinct - use it wisely. Personally, I would seek the truth from him - to avoid further fall. You could expect him to do more, yet he isn't, frustration add to your loneliness = more heartbroken = lower self-esteem ...'Empty Hope' doesn't bring you anyway - seek the truth, if he is interested in you - wonderful - Doktor Love less 1 patient. Otherwise, move on with your cheerful smiles & strong inner beauty, someone will grab you, Life no doubt is full of challenges, but hey, Life is also full of surprises :)
Dear all
It was good to hear from all the kind comments and experience sharings. Thank you to you.
I hope Miss Birthday will get out of this unhappy mode ya :-)
I agree with people here who said that it is better for you to talk to the guy and ask him about it. The worst feeling is to suffer in silence, not knowing about it.
Hey, at least you don't have other factors like religion in your equation. Your issue is just between you two, not some external factors.
Religious, do I know you? Do we have a mutual friend?
My view is that even if Mr. Candle is interested, he sure has some problem with himself, may be not sure what he wants or may be a commitment issue. That is a waste of women time.
Miss Birthday said
Thank you guys for all your moral support, i feel much better now!!
I guess what anonymous said is true.. i shdn't have any 'false hope' that make me falls deeper & deeper.
Somehow im a very loyal girl, if i like a guy..means i will stop going out with other guy... and now, the strong feeling stop me from dating some other guy.. while my age has entered an embarrasing zone that i shd get married soon...
im somehow very worry coz i feel like time is up to get married but i still wanna hang out with this guy and wasting time...
Let's put it this way, Miss Birthday... you can still hang out with this guy and harbour hope for him but do tell yourself to keep your options open. Meaning, while you are hanging out with him and another man is showing some interest, do give the other man a chance. Loyalty is shit especially if time is not on your side.. :P :P
MGA, I don't think we know each other. I am from Singapore. You?
Ms Birthday,
In my opinion, the guy may still have feelings for you. Since he has gone after you crazily for the past year, what if you do something for him to show him, you want to be with him? Maybe he didn't call you out for b'day dinner because he thought you would have a date and don't wanna spoil it? Best is, clear things out, have a good conversation with him, ask him if there's more to friendship, if not, move on. There was once a guy who went crazily after a girl, but never had the guts to speak up. The girl is now with someone else. Maybe he's worried he's already lost you to someone else?
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