Cast your Vote for June 2005

Dear boys and girls,

I have a new poll for you all to see what is your favorite topic. The vote is on your right :)

If you have some time to spare, please cast your vote and put in your COMMENT of this post on why you make the selection.

Hope to hear from all of you soon eh :)

(The RESUTLS - "Spinster" and "Friends and Lovers" received equal vote - Thanks all for voting!)

I am a Spinster. I kept Rejecting guys!

Anonymous wrote :

Dr Love ,
My question - will I be a spinster ?
I struggled a lot saying No to guys. I always think that I get BALASAN for doing so. I am a true believer of what I did good or bad - those will come back to me in any way or any form...... You see, I am lost. really lost. I takut to hurt people heart, so if I think the guy is not someone who can be my BF, I just find ways to reject , reason - so that he is clear mah. Then after I do that - sometimes, I do ask myself - did I turn away the man in my life loh ? kan troublesome ..... say Yes or No pun susah .....Then, to say no one interested in me - salah, there are some - but I don't open hearts - everyone kept marah I that I don't give both parties a chance - I got a lot of marah from friends for behaving this way. But But - Dr Love - I just can't loh. I don't know, I am trying to use the word 'Chemistry' but reluctant also - sebab when I find a new friend whom I may want to know him better, he pula seven early lapan early said 'no chemistry' - padan muka to me kan .....

You tell me frankly, Do I carry the Spinster ingredients ? hahahahahaha

Dr. Love replied :

Miss Anonymous, I have to struggle a bit with your email. I think it has a combination of English, Bahasa Malaysia and Cantonese :) Nevertheless it was still fun to read.

Alright girl, what you did has nothing to do if you are really a Spinster. Nobody knows exactly what you want but YOURSELF! Follow your heart when you first meet the guy. Human are very strange, we first get attracted with physical, and then inner beauty of the person. If physical is not your no. 1 criteria, don't rule out the guy easily. Have a few chat on the phone and see if both of you can carry a DECENT conversation (Communication is the key). If not, MOVE ON but keep them as Friends :)

The same thing applies when you are fond of someone, but other people get to choose what they want too. That is why we call it a MATCH. I know it is a frustrating process to find a match, but if you can wait and not desperate, just stay relax. Show some class lah!

So don't call yourself a Spinster, it's just not the right time. Next time, go and socialise, do things you usually do. The right match will show up when you are not EXPECTING :)

Can Friends be Lovers?

MGA wrote :

Interesting blog. Can friends be lovers? Is it possible or is it a doomed relationship from the beginning?

Dr. Love replied :

Hello MGA, thanks for writing in. Besides being friends and doing what friends do, are you his or her TYPE? Same as any other relationships, the feeling has to be MUTUAL.

Don't let any friendship rules (friends cannot be lover)stopped you from going to the next level. Ask yourself this, is your feeling strong for your friend? What about her or him towards you?

Some of us may feel the fear of expressing ourselves because we may feel awkward if our friend turned us down. If you attempted and failed, then LAUGH at yourself. Making fun on our own failures could reduce the tensions! What I would not suggest is Regretting for Not Trying :)

I am Shy and Quiet

Anonymous wrote:

Hi Doktor Cinta,I came across your blog by chance.

Hmmm.. since you're the expert and all, maybe you can help me with this issue I have.I am a quiet and shy person. When I see a person I like I would never approach the person. I panic when I see them looking at me or when there's only 2 of us in the lift etc.

Am I doom to be single my whole life?

What should I do?

Dr. Love replied:

Dear Anonymous, this happened to me a lot, so you are not alone :) Whenever I came across someone who is drop dead gorgeous, my heart beat raced so fast (faster than Seabiscuit) and my eye kept staring at my own shoes (yes i know it's not polished!). What we have here is just a lack of confidence of ourselves.

Just relax and learn to love who you are. This is very Important! Don't let any of your imperfections affect you. Only then you will build this confidence inside of you :)

The next time when you meet someone you fond of, don't look away, be confidence. Look at his or her NOSE if you scared of looking into his or her eyes. If you are stuck with words, give her or him a Sunny Smile (to show you are approachable). I bet simple conversations will begin from there.

Good luck eh! :)

My girlfriend was unnervingly Quiet

Ringgit wrote :

Doktor Cinta,Yesterday I picked up my girlfriend from work. She was unnervingly quiet. When I asked her what's wrong, she leaned against me and said nothing's wrong.

Why do women act so mysteriously? Is it because of the 'monthly' thing? What could be wrong? How to read women, Doktor Cinta?

She's ok today, though. Thanks.

Dr Love replied :

Ringgit, woman's heart is like an Ocean Deep! You just don't have a single CLUE! Anyway stay calm.

I am not so sure if it is due to her PMS, however, what I know, every woman loves to be heard and pampered.

The next time if this happened again, let her know you will LISTEN (the keyword) and BE WITH HER for all the good and bad times. Please don't press for the FACT if she is not ready to open up.

Meanwhile, you have to relax and do not worry why she acts like this. When the time is right and she knows you are approachable, she will Pour Her Heart Out.

Just be prepared if she does not know where to STOP! :P

Should I go dinner with my ex-boyfriend?

Roti telur wrote:

Dr. Love,Should I have dinner with my ex-boyfriend tomorrow night?

He said he felt guilty not meeting me more often before and he wants to buy me dinner before I leave.I dunno how to decide. I am curious to know how have he been after 10years but I am definitely not in my best shape right now. When we dated, I was slim and young, now the opposite. I am afraid that he is doing better than me, eg he found a girlfriend better than me.

What should I do?

Dr. Love replied :

First of all, thank you for writing girl. Dr. Love always believe in keeping friendships especially those has given you happiness in your life before. Perhaps it maybe one of your sweetest memory you have been keeping in your heart. It may also shaped who you are today after you broke off from your ex. Whichever way, we learned from each other and we should treasure it.

Everyone in this planet will AGED! Let's face it, of course there were "plastic" solutions to these aging problems. What is more important is that you aged "Gracefully". I don't mean only focus on your body shape and look, but with mind that grew wiser and relax with things we are facing everyday. I would say just stay pleasant and relax will be the best. Everyone looks beautiful when we remain relax.

Your ex may also found a girl which is better than you, but again this depends on his needs and wants at this stage of his life. 10 years ago you may be his best, but now the other girl may be the one for him. Whichever way, as an ex you should be happy for him.

So you go Girl, be a CLASSY EX, and stop acting like a Low Class 'Ah Lian' (cheap and jealous girl).

Letter from my 1st patient - Mr Ringgit

Mr Ringgit wrote:

Dear Doktor Cinta,

I have a question. How long does it take before I come down from Cloud 9? Seems like I have been there for a while... not that it is a bad thing but let's be realistic ya?

You DO know what is Cloud 9, right?

Doctor Love replied:

Dear Ringgit, of course I know what is Cloud 9! For those who does not know, it can be described as a well being feeling.

There is nothing wrong for staying there for long. Every new experience is like a 'U' shape learning curve. It depends on an individual moods and factors surrounding the person which may determine him or her to come down.

Why worry now? Enjoy while you are up there? Talk to me again if you are at rock bottom :-P

Hello ... this is your host ... Doctor Love :-)

Hello boys and girls! How are you feeling today? I am your friend, Doctor Love.

Ever wonder who to turn to when you have questions related to Love? Ever wonder why boys or girls did not attract to you? I am here to listen to your happiness or grievances. Yes! Pour your heart out! :P

I know lotsa boys and girls were too shy to share their challenges with their partners, friends or even family. Over here you can remain as an anonymous :-)

Seek nowhere else, I am here to listen and provide the word of wisdoms to soothe your curious heart :-) Besides, other bloggers are most welcome to share their experiences too.

Since there were so many wacko these days .. your comments will be scanned and posted. Email me at doktorcinta@gmail.com

Happy living my dear boys and girls! Hope to hear from you soon :)