Single Woman Growing Older!

Anonymous wrote :

Hi Doktor,

I was having a conversation with one of my girl friends and she said she's worried that she will become a spinster. She's not so much worried about being alone but having those weird spinster-like behaviours - you know, how people used to say that single old woman are a bit psychotic or emotionally unstable or nasty.

I am not sure if you are also a medical doctor by profession. My question is how can a single woman prevent herself from becoming psychotic as she grows older?

Doctor Love replied :

Hi Anonymous, you are so kind to write in for your friend eh. Make sure your friend visit this site too ya!

I guess any human beings are capable of love and need to be loved in returns. So it should not be restricted to girls but to men too. When we are younger, we received a lot of attentions and feel a lot of love around us. At a later stage of our life, all your friends or family members have their own families and will spend less time with you. That's when you start to feel lonely and feeling less love or even unwanted.

Personally, my advice for those who are growing older and still single should seek and receive support from friends and family whenever possible. For example, one of my older friend became a godmother to a baby girl. She felt so exciting and new life has branched out from this arrangement. Or you can have good friends to invite you into part of their life, like getting you to help in any social parties, or dinner over their place.

One of my favorite activities is to get involved in charity work. Sometimes through these activities you will notice how lucky you are even though you are single!

So really, it's about getting support from people around us and fills our life with things which are positive to our mind. Leading a life on your own can be very tough. Lingering mind could drive us nuts!

From today onward, let's not waste our time by thinking we are lonely and single. Let's lead our life to the fullest and hope each day we have something to look forward for tomorrow.

My Physical Appearance bothers ME!

FY wrote :

Doktor Love,

my friends said I am fat. Do you think that changes in physical appearance will affect my relationship? You know how the women usually worries that their husband will not love them as much after they gave birth and gained a few kilos? Will this happens to man who gained kilos?

Doctor Love replied :

Hello FY, whoever that told you were fat are just being jealous! I gathered you have a girlfriend that loves you very much. If she is not worry, why should you? But of course, if you are so fat like you are going to die of heart attack, then you should keep fit now! Also, it should be more of health reason, rather than focusing physical appearance to retain a relationship.

In every relationship, physical beauty is the first thing we noticed. However, once you loved the person very much, it's the inner beauty that makes your relationship stronger ;-)

Also, fyi, generally the rule of thumb works this way : The guys usually focus on appearance of their partner, while gals focus on how nice they were being treated (more on the emotion side). I am not suggesting a battle of sex ;-) but just some common facts. Of course, in long term we want both side to recognise the INNER side ya!

Match making makes me MAD!

Cavewoman (mad and sleepless) wrote :

Doktor Love

I was just off the phone with my mum. I was shocked that she was trying to match me up. She asked if I mind meeting the guy ....Gosh, my very first reaction - was so angry - i told her off..... Second thought - I was upset with her as well. Third thought - what is this ? Do I have to go thru this crap ? She took me by surprise, I am not 'thankful' or feeling happy at all when she asked me this question ...why ?

I guess I am so embarassed that - I have reached the point that my parent has to do something to match made me ......oh gosh .- unbelievable - i was totally shocked , and mad as well. At this point, I don't feel the love of my parent for caring for me, worrying me that I remain single ....instead I am extremely angry, I may be dissappointed with my parent or myself ( i dunno ) .....i guess i also feel I'm a failure - for reaching at this level ............geeeeeeeeee, this is sucks !!!! WHY ???????

Doctor Love replied :

Dear cavewoman, breath in breath out! Now tell yourself to calm down ya. Stay cool. OK let's analyse why this happened.

First of all, I think we are living in this 21st century where everyone was too busy with their career. Most of us are so confident and we think the RIGHT ONE will turn up easily. However, as we grow older and single, we proved to ourselves WRONG! Sometimes it does not work this way! For those who MADE IT! Good on you :-) For those who are still single will become worry and so will your FAMILY members.

I think it's very natural when your parents see their beloved child, kind hearted, happy and bubbly but could not meet the right one. If I am the parents I will feel sad. Our parents will grow older too don't forget! Every parent want the best for their child and hopefully the RIGHT one will look after you for the rest of your LIFE! Happy and be Loved!

For your case, cavewoman, at least your parent ASKED your permission first. I viewed your parent still respecting your choice. I am sure if you say NO to them, they will not FORCE you to meet this blind date. I think what you said it's right. You are at the state of EMBARRASEMENT! You are supposed to be Miss Confidence, and this news turned your inner feelings upside down! Well, just accept the embarrassment, but stay cool. Don't view this as a FAILURE in your LIFE. It is nobody faults if you can't find Mr Right at this point in life. Well at least you don't rush into things and regret with your decision later.

Well, if I were you, I will think of our parent as our friend. We introduce potential friends to our close friend too. Hoping they will become a successful couple. We should be glad, we were given a choice and the final decision is still in our hand ;-)

Men and Temptations!

Tea-o wrote :

I have a question for you, I am assuming you're male... hmmm.. and MGA is female :P

Anyhow, I wonder why men can't be loyal people. Why do their hearts change so fast. Why are they so like that. I am a believer of honesty and being loyal to your wife/gf and never ever cheat on them.

But why are men such creatures that they can't resist temptation and always getting themselves into shit like that.

Doctor Love replied :

Hi Tea-o, just imagine whoever you like, I will play the role and give you a fair comment ya!

Men! Well, let's put things into perspective ya. First of all, not all men are bad. I have one friend who is also my patient here, is soooooooo loyal to his girlfriend. He will talked about her like she is next to perfect. He is a monogamist for sure, and he respects his girl.

However, in general, I think the possibilities for men to stray around is high. Man is a very curious creature who loves to explore. There were too many temptations out there, from video games to advertisements! Tell me how can they be not lured? I actually met a couple who faced the same challenges. So I sat down and try to understand from the man's point of view. I am not referring to all man, I like to stress again here ya!

There were 3 things I realised after speaking to the man. One, some man thinks meeting other girls are just an activity (including sex). There were no love in it usually, but some cheap thrill involved. Second, the girl/wife could not give certain things he wants, it's like I want BMW but I get Toyota at home. Third, I noticed this happened, especially when the man/husband is working alone and do not have enough attentions from the girl/wife/friends.

So, Tea-o, if you have a boyfriend, we need to constantly work with them so that they will not fall under any categories mentioned above. I think we cannot change man (it's MOTHER NATURE) who likes to stray, however, we could tackle their weaknesses. We need to work harder to fill up each other schedule with healthy activities. If you are a TOYOTA, show him TOYOTA is a good car too ;-P

After saying all these, however, my no. 1 advise to all my patients, is to make sure you GAIN RESPECT from your boyfriend/husband and he must be WILLING to do so. This way, usually the man will continue to stay loyal :)

OK, now, any man out there would like to share your opinions?

hnvn

No Flowers No 'I Love U'

maggi mee goreng wrote :

Doktor Cinta, a friend referred me to your blog. I have a cinta issue. I met my current boyfriend two months ago. We met during a trip/vacation. After the trip we went out on a few dates. During one of them, in a movie, he grabbed my hand and I allowed it. I guess we are on from there onwards and we have been going steady for the past 2 months.

The thing is, doktor cinta, he never once told me he loves (or likes) me. He did not take me back to see his parents nor his friends. He hardly calls but sms me a lot. I know he's a shy person, but after 2 months and no i-love-yous, I get worried. I didn't receive any flowers from him too. Is he for real?

I just wanted to add that he's not stingy type. I have also asked him how come he never bought me any flowers and he said it is so old fashioned. Obviously he has not read your "How to show Affections to a girl?" post! GRRR!

Doctor Love replied :

Hey maggi mee goreng! That's my favorite food actually :P Thanks for writing in, and I hope you have time to catch up with other topics we had shared in this blog.

OK girl! Your issue here sounds like you don't feel secure and special as a girlfriend to this boy. It seems your boyfriend may have a different way of expressing his love to you.

Well let me ask you this. If he did not say 'I Love U' or give you any flowers, does he do other things to make you happy? For example, I had seen couple who always go out to interesting places for food (cheap or fine dining). They will travel around together to find good food. Or go to movies which both of them loved to do very much. What important here is if you guys share some common things, and do you enjoy doing it together?

I know how you feel girl, and you have the rights to do so. Girls are like a pot of flowers, they need to be watered from time to time. However, 2 months in a relationship is not very long. Why don't you take a deep breath, relax and enjoy his companionship. Once you know each other well enough, speak to him. Hint: You need to handle this carefully. Don't make it sound like a COMPLAIN. Stay calm, and tell him how you FEEL. You may be surprised he may have done something he thinks which is special but you may not be aware of? If you are not comfortable to speak to him, then get him to read the blog on ‘Affections’, hear what he has to say? :-)

I had met friends who do not know how to express himself at all. However, it does not mean he doesn't love the girl. It's just him and he loved his partner in a different way.

Any readers out there had the same experiences?

hnvn

To Love or To Be Loved?

MGA wrote :

Doktor Cinta...

When I was in school, one of the most debated questions that we asked each other is if it better to love your partner is it better to be loved?

Some of my friends marry because the guy loves them a lot even though they don't love the man as much. Is this a healthy relationship in the long run?

Dr Love replied :

Hello MGA how are you doing there? Thanks for your interesting question. I am constantly in battle with the same question ;-)

If given the choice, Dr Love will choose (Step 1)'better to love your partner'. I guess the main reason is I will be truthful to myself. I express my feelings and thoughts to my partner. I will be happier and has nothing to hide from my partner. Hence, no REGRET and REMORSE if the relationship does not head to the direction I wanted to.

If you are being loved, then GOOD ON YOU eh! And of course, you should welcome it only if you MEAN it and you should RETURN your love to your partner (repeat Step 1 above)!

I would not choose 'to be loved' because of CONVENIENCE! It should take 2 to TANGO! Else, will you be HAPPY in long term? I may able to put up for a little while, but in longer term I may still find Missing Puzzles in my life. Constantly thinking, WHAT IF! (I suspected those who gave in, had gave up questioning WHAT IF!)

I remembered reading an article about arranged marriage in India. The Westerner thinker always thought arranged marriage is silly because there may not be REAL LOVE. However, the author has a different view, when you put a couple together, they have no choice but they have to focus, rise up and learn to accept each other. Effort being put in then love developed. So it appears some relationship works this way! (Maybe in your friend’s case) It just takes a longer time and of course with some risk associated!

Whichever way you choose out there, Dr Love can only hope that you will remain CONTENT and HAPPY in your life ;-)

HNVN

Do you believe in FATE?

Anonymous wrote :

Doktor Love, do you believe in fate? Does it come into play or is it really up to the individual (for example, up to the guy to make the move or up to the girl to put on make up, be on a diet, etc)?

And if you believe in fate, how does one improve fate to their favour?


Dr. Love replied :

Hi Anonymous, thanks for your email. Hmm fate, usually for the superstitious individual wil believes in fate. Anyhow, I will attempt to give you my version of fate :-P

Okie Dokie! Some of us, who are still single always sat there and ponder why the RIGHT ONE has not shown up yet. Does FATE play a role in it? However, there is no scientific explanation to this eh!

From my humble experiences, I believe we should always analyse the REASONS for not meeting MR or MRS RIGHT. We always have this ideal person in our mind, however they seems to be so out of REACH! We are like a headless chicken looking for a match. However, have you thought of improving yourself to increase the chances? (Again not suggesting to alter your face ya! ) Instead of banking on FATE, we should be OPTIMISTIC and Work out a REACHABLE PLAN. You mentioned make up and go on diet, it may be a good way to do, however, just make sure you are aware of your limit.

We all learn from mistakes, from there we learn to be wiser, and we will know eventually exactly what we want. Be confident and adopt a Healthy lifestyle. One day, you will be NOTICED. Generally people with Great Personality, Comfortable to be with and Confident may attract the RIGHT BEES or FLOWERS out there. To others they may view your success as a FATE. But believing in FATE alone may not increase your chances to meet Mr or Mrs Right, it takes a RIGHT and POSITIVE MINDSET.

HNVN

TIPS: Heart or Head?

Hello all boys and girls, I hope everyone is enjoying or enjoyed their weekends eh.

I picked up a few self-help books recently, and had just started reading them. I found an interesting piece of information which I would like to share here.

It may or may not be a Revelation to you, however, before making any decisions, I hope you will think of this story (I changed the story a little bit) ...

A girl (from the book) is in a relationship, and were having some problems, hence she enrolled herself for a Mind class. In the class she was asked to list down all the BAD THINGS she could think of her boyfriend, and put them on the RIGHT HAND SIDE of a piece of paper. It was listed as below :

- He is lazy;
- He does not do the dish cleaning;
- He does not like to meet my friends;
- He forgot about our Anniversary;
- He could not Commit;
- and the list goes ON and ON!

Then, she was asked to list down all the GOOD THINGS about him on the LEFT.

She only LISTED ONE!

- I LOVE HIM !

Years later, the group who ran the workshop contacted the girl, and found she is still happily attached to the same man.

We definitely can relate to such scenario in our daily life. Don't rush in making any Life-Altering decision. A balance between heart and head is definitely a Winning Combination! :-)

HNVN

Cheated girl Barred from seeing son

slooi98 wrote :

i got a friend who was cheated by a man and got a son with him for 18 months.the birth cert got her name but the man not allow her to see the son.she is not registered and is now age 22+.can she report to police .

Dr. Love replied :

Dear slooi98, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It must be devastated for your friend for not able to see her own son.

I would think it is best that she seeks legal advises (see a lawyer). This way your friend will understand better her positions and what is her rights.

However, Dr. Love could not advise on the legals related stuffs eh ;-)

Good luck to your friend.

KBJP

How to show Affections to a girl?

Anonymous wrote :

How does a girl like a guy to show his affection ?

Dr. Love replied :

Alrighty, hmmmm well the ladies readers has to help me out here. However, some general rules are listed below :

1. Give her flowers eventhough you feel it's not lasting and a waste of money :-)

2. Make sure you pay attentions to little things which she likes or does not;

3. Listen to her if she is complaining eventhough you have no solutions;

4. Remember to give her a hug after she finished complaining, to show you care;

5. Open the car door before she gets down, be a gentleman; (lost art these days!)

6. During dining, ask her what would she likes before you place your own orders!

So, really if you look closely, you have to take the girls FEELINGS into considerations. Ok ladies, any more comments on this ... ? ;-)

KBJP

Do you love your Parent?

Paper cup wrote :

Dr. Love,

Do you love your parent? We could not choose who our parent is, so we have to learn how to get along with them. If getting along is just too hard, it is a sin that we block them out from our lives?

Dr. Love wrote :

Hello paper cup thanks for your note. Now, for your question, I have to say YES. Probably I should relate one experience I learnt from a good friend of mine.

It goes like this ..

Miss P is a very good friend to Dr. Love. However, for many years, Papa P dislikes Miss P. Papa P always put more love and focus to other siblings, thus Miss P always felt being ignored from Parental Love. All this time, Miss P grew up stronger and pretty much on her own. However she did not become a bad person. Although, with lack of parental love, she still continues to love her dad, eventhough they cannot see eye to eye.

Many years later, Papa P grew older and of course, his health deteriotated. At that time, most of Miss P siblings left the country and Papa P lived alone by himself. As days goes by, Papa P could not even walk. Miss P, being a dutiful daughter took time out from her hectic schedule to visit Papa P and making sure Papa P is ok, like cooking and showering him daily.

One fine day, while Miss P was showering his dad, Papa P suddenly sat on the floor and showing sign of giving up hope to live. At that moment, Papa P looked into Miss P eyes seeking for forgivness. Without a single word being mentioned, both father and daughter hugged and cried. Papa P passed away few weeks later after the incident.

I learnt from Miss P that she forgave what her dad has done to her. They may not talked much during their lives but it does not mean she did not Love him.

Paper cup, you see, we all (human!) are very proud species. When we can walk, talk and eat, we feel Superior. Same goes to our parents. Every parents has a different way of communicating with their children, however, as a Son or Daughter, we shouldn't ignore the fact that they are our Parents. If you cannot respect them, but at least don't ignore them.

For Miss P, she earned her dad's respect eventhough towards the end of his life. That's one thing she will not FORGET and REGRET.

KBJP

Vote for your favourite "Date" movie

Dear all,

I have 2 announcements to make.

First, I had added another poll at the right hand side bar. This time vote for your favourite "Date" movie. You can post your comment here for the choices you made ;-)

For Dr. Love, I really like the movie 'Shallow Hal'. It was not only funny, but with such a beautiful message about appreciating and accepting your partner's inner self.

Some may say, FEEL GOOD movie is for the WEAK. I say, hey, please Grow Up ;-)

Second, a devoted fan has been asking me to add the function RECENT COMMENTS on the sidebar. With this new function, now you can see who made the LATEST Comments and you do not have to HUNT for comments anymore!

If you have questions, please feel free to contact me at doktorcinta@gmail.com

I wish for those in Love, Forever in Love!

(RESULTS : The Most Voted Movie was 'Serendipity')

KBJP

Love Is ...

Hello boys and girls,

Another request from an Anonymous to post the message below. According to Anonymous it was from a book but the source was not mentioned :-)

Love is ................
...asking about someone's day and truly caring about the answer.
...knowing that people are different and loving them just the same.
...being there.
...taking out the trash without being asked.
...leaving the last pop for your brother, even though you've been craving it all day.
...being patient, even when you're tired - especially when you're tired
...writing a note of encouragement.
...treating your family as well as you treat your friends.
...listening to your friend, even when you've heard the same thing a hundred times before.
...calling someone back after an argument.
...being honest about how you feel.
...caring - even when it's hard and you don't feel like it.
...trusting in someone even when you're scared.
...saying you're sorry when you are wrong.
...smiling in hard times.
...calling just to say hi on a busy day.
...praying for someone.
...forgiving someone again and again.
...walking beside someone, not in front of or behind her.
...believing.
...being comfortable with someone in silence.
...providing a shoulder to cry on.
...being a friend.
...difficult.
...trying to understand.
...sacrificial.
...being open to correction.
...ignoring another's fault.
...humble.
...serving others.
...changing your plans for someone.
...crying for someone when you know they're hurting.

KBJP

Mr Thick Skin (TS) - An Interactive Session

Hello boys and girls,

I would like to to try something different this time. I want to make this an INTERACTIVE BLOG TOPIC for my readers. I hope you could participate and share your comments ya ;-)

Below is a Real Case! Our subject is Mr. Thick Skin (TS), Chinese, Hokkien (a chinese dialect), Single, aged 28 years old and running a small business. Oh Yes, by the way he is no BRAD PITT or PIERCE BROSNAN, but he does look a bit like PUA CHU KANG! And this is his story ...

Mr TS is dateless but an EXTREMELY POSITIVE person. All this years, since in his early 20s, he tried very hard to date girls outside the street. But that's not it, he has criteria! The girl has to be long hair, slim, pretty and preferably must wear spaghetti strap! So whenever he saw a potential target, he will go up to the innocence girl and try to chat her up. Usually the conversation will sounds like this; "Hi, how are you? What do you do today? Can I be your friend? What is your mobile number?" (Definitely not a SMOOTH Talker!) So far it has failed him MISERABLY!

At times, when he got so many rejections, he will approach Dr Love and complaint things like why he has no girlfriend! Is it so difficult to be his friend? Or why are the pretty girls so snobbish! Dr Love had advised him to lower his criteria and expectations! However, he always told Dr Love that all his ugly guy friends have very good looking girl. IF they CAN, why not HIM! Dr Love even told him straight into his face that he needs to look into the MIRROR, but he will IGNORE the FACTS. He still insisted that he looks like CHOW YUN FATT. DUH!

His mom has introduced many girls from other smaller cities or villages (any interested applicant out there?); however, he thinks they are not classy enough. His wish is to have a girlfriend from Japan, Hong Kong or even Korea. Those you can find from foreign drama series or movies.

Mr. TS however is a nice person in real life, except that he is living in this LALA LAND. So what will you do if you have a friend or a son like Mr. Thick Skin? What would you advise to this POOR SOUL? Is there still HOPE for Mr. Thick Skin?

What say you? ;-)

(Attention: All your comments will be reverted to Mr. TS. I am sure he is eager to hear what others have to say!)

KBJP

Difficult Family Members in Relationship

Ringgit wrote :

Doctor Love,

If love is between two people, does the family (brothers, sisters, father and mother) comes into play? It probably does not matter in a Caucasian couple because, let's face it, the westerners does not emphasize much on family values. It matters between an Asian couples.

How would you advice lovers who may have difficult family members (of their significant others) to deal with?

Dr. Love replied :

Dear ringgit, first of all, I would like to make a comment on your view on the Westerner family. I had came across a Caucasian friend who actually went and obtain the BLESSINGS from the girl's parents before proposing to her. Yes, they still do ;-)

In this day and age, we always heard couple said love and marriage is between the 2 of them. The other people's view are not important. Well, first of all we need to know how's your partner's Upbringing or Family Values? If your partner Respects their parents and families a lot (I hope you all out there .. still DO!), then of course you should do the same.

However, you may also faced with some obstacles where the families may disliked you. Well think about it, it's like inviting a stranger into your House! So what will you do? Dr Love would think you really need to gain their family TRUST and RESPECT along the courting period. If the family member still dislikes you, then probably you should evaluate where is your weakness. Share this with your partner, if he or she could accept your weakness, recognised it and probably, IF Possible, put a plan to overcome it. Hopefully the family will eventually learn to accept you one day. I am not suggesting you to go for a Plastic Surgery if you are ugly. We should only evaluate our inner self ya!

Of course, we want everyone in our family to give their blessings. We all know we can't please everyone though, but at least you ATTEMPT, as they will eventually become part of your family member too :)

What is True Love means!

Paper cup wrote :

Dr Love,

What is love?

I was happy and felt blessed to finally met the true love of my life. After we have been together for 2 year, I am not very clear now on what is love? What do I love about him? Can our love last long?

Is there any love that is selfish? I am not sure if I have loved him for my own selfish reasons.

Please help.

Paper Cup

Dr. Love wrote :

Paper cup, I am glad you finally found your True Love. Well for Dr. Love, True Love is finding a partner who is willing to share his or her life with you. Someone who is willing to accept your inner beauty. Share and give you the support during the good and bad times. Scold you when you did something wrong because he or she cares, and thank you when he or she feels appreciative.

It may sounds like a wishful thinking, but it is Possible and it can be done when the 2 of you remembered your vows to COMMIT. Let's face it, we will grow old and we will grow bored with our partner one day. Then, you question yourself if this is what you want? For people with the Right Mind, they should ask themselves these before they commit. Once committed, you should love the person UNCONDITIONALLY! It is not EASY. A Commitment is a LifeLong Task, it has its UPS and DOWNS, but nevertheless it is the MOST Beautiful LIFE Experience which we should not MISSED in our lifetime.

If you are feeling bored, you are just LOST at this moment in life, but it does not means you had Commited a Mistake. If the 2 party is still committed, you don't have to say I LOVE YOU to each other everyday. Just being there itself or Your PRESENCE itself, is all you need. If you had an Argument, COPE with it, but don't say any Hurtful words when you don't even mean it. (WARNING - it leave a BAD Mark in your mind forever - Dr Love prohibit this to all PATIENCE)

So Paper Cup, I believe when we found our true love, we need to ACCEPT each other DIFFERENCES. You should be GLAD because somebody LOVE you today! So ENJOY IT! Take one step a time. I wish you are continually blessed with your partner's LOVE. Being SELFISH is one thing, but if your PARTNER willing to give in his or her all to your selfishness, then I see it as a COMMITMENT.

For Dr Love, there is no MR or MISS IDEAL out there, because they are BORING :-)

Request from Anonymous

Anonymous wrote :

Dr Love, I have something to share. Post away:

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile. - Anonymous

Dr. Love replied :

Here you go! I hope everyone will have a smiling heart :-)

Hey all, since so many Anonymous out there now, I think we need to give ourselves a NICKNAME ;-)

Miss Birthday and Mr Candle

Miss Birthday wrote :

Dear Dr Love, it's great to have a place like this for me to complain, talk and a virtual shoulder to cry on ...

Today is my birthday, i didn't expect anything to happen or to celebrate. But it appears to be a sad birthday...


Firstly, no sms at all from my best friend..


Secondly, i'm still celebrating birthday alone :(. Though i've got a gift, an expensive gift from Mr Candle.. who went after me like crazy 1 year ago, but just would like to remain as friend for now.


I truly have a question that bothers me for the past 1 year, Mr Candle came strong, wanted me to be his girlfriend... and the moment i was melted to say yes, he said just wanna be my friend...


So, we've been friend for the past 1 year.. very close friend that we met 2-3 times a week for dinner, and i was suprised with the expensive birthday gift. But, he did not ask me out for dinner...


I had strong feeling for him that i forced myself to slow down, but tonite i'm really really sad that i guess would end my birthday with tears...


pls tell me what should i do next...why would a guy give an expensive gift to a girl who is just a normal friend ? Am i sad coz of Mr Candle or just scared of the lonely feeling ?


Dr. Love wrote :

Hey you, Birthday Girl .. let me sing this to you first ..

Happy Birthday to you x 4 :-) .. ok make a Wish!

Alrighty, you should not feel sad especially TODAY over no call from Friends. Dr Love used to EXPECT a lot of wishes and presents when I was younger. However, as I grew older, I learned to expect Less, because my close friends around me has their own life and families which are more important to them. Also,I do not want to be reminded that I am OLDER hehe!. I know one day they will eventually forget (unintentionally), but that does not stop me from doing things that will make myself happy :-) When you learn to expect less, you will get more and bigger Surprises ahead of you.

As for Mr Candle, from what you had described, it seems he has changed his mind to make you his special girlfriend. There was nothing wrong for a friend to give you an expensive present :) Probably it's month end and he got his pay eh! Well, I would say don't READ too much on the expensive present. If you are close enough to him, you can ask him Jokingly if he is seeing someone else. If he does, it could well explain why he wants to be a Normal friend. If he doesn't, then he may not be Ready for a relationship now. Go on and continue to be his friend, don't pressure him for an answer. IF he is Yours, he will Eventually Come Back to you :-) You should continue to be Yourself and be Approachable! Trust me guys will not like girls who worry too much. Be strong and confidence eh ;-)

Strong and Weird Girl

Cavewoman wrote :

(WARNING this email contained Cavegirl's Sign language)

Doktor Love, among female, i would say I lack of those lemah-lembut, see see man man, sweet sweet, teh teh kind of ingredients loh ...Just tonight, friend's friend having problem, they have problems - be it relationships or anything, they will call the opposite sex or new friends - talk it out, pinjam lelaki punya shoulder to cry, or to express the whole thing. Whereas, I kind of find those action - unacceptable. (this is my view only - doesn't apply to anyone else - disclaimer sikit) ....So, I'm a weird girl - when I'm sad, I don't call people to talk, I prefer to go to cave actually, be alone, cry or sleep, or eat - I perform the IT in thing now - called SELF-HEALING - when I went thru my major heart-broken periods, my family didn't even noticed my pain....I just acted normal, and be strong and walked thru them. Now, I am thinking, may be I should learn to be 'teh teh' hor ?

Dr. Love replied :

Dear Cavewoman, I am glad you are a strong girl. You should be glad you are such an independent person ;-)

Every individual has a different way of handling their own problems. Some of the girls would prefer to be Miss Softie, they liked to be pampered and be heard. Meanwhile some prefer to become Miss DIY (do it yourself), which is rather Rare!

Whichever way you choose, you should be Comfortable of who you are. You don't want to change your attitude in order to find Mr Right. I always recommend my patient to STOP ACTING and BE YOURSELF!

So Cavegirl, let's start attracting the Right Caveman that could ACCEPT who you are! Give the Best Acting Actress Award to someone else eh!

Religion and Relationship

Religion-freak wrote :

Doktor Love. In my past relationship, I always have a major hurdle: religion. The girls I pursue usually say that I am a nice guy and all but they prefer someone fron the same faith. Some people are unlucky in some other area but religion seems to be my bane in relationship. Don't ask me to convert so that I can be with the girl because to me religion is very personally and I am not like other guys who will convert just to be with the girls.

Am I cursed? What can I do? Currently I am eyeing this particular girl but she has a religion and I am really worried that it will affect our relationship. Please advice.

Dr. Love replied :

Hello Religion-freak, thanks for your question. OK boy boy boy! You sure have an interesting question :-)

Alrighty, well when it comes to things like religion, it can be a bit sensitive neh! However, there were several factors you should take into considerations before you pursue or date the person. Is the person religious upbringing is strong? Is the family against you if you are from a different religion?

If your answers are yes to all the above, then to maintain this relationship is going to be an uphill task. Besides, you have no interest to be converted to your partner's religion, that's a double whammy!

However, if you really insisted she or he is the ONE, then this will involved some kind of SACRIFICES! However, have you thought of a place where it's NEUTRAL and you can exercise a choice?

(ATTN: All actions taken by patients have nothing to do with Dr. Love ya!)

July is here and your Dr Love is Listening :-)

Dear Boys and Girls,

I would like to encourage all of you out there to write if you need to be heard. Remember to remain ANONYMOUS ya!

Write to me doktorcinta@gmail.com

Or you can put your comment on this post!

Meanwhile, chin up, look straight and SMILLEEEEE :-)